Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Rain rain, it's here to stay

I tree fell the other day during a bad storm the night before. The weather is threatening to turn nasty here again. I'm trying to ward off a bought of depression, but it's really really hard this time round. I'd really like to stay in bed today.

I'm trying to motivate myself to go and play with fabric for a bit. Getting messy sounds like a good idea, it just seems like it takes way to much energy right now. Gypsy is struggling to feel useful. Gypsy use to be very useful.

Friday, November 12, 2010

Time Flies

I swear I posted yesterday!

October was a good month. Shadow boo worked really hard to make it a good month for me. November... so far sucks.

October did end with the passing of one of my little budgies. Cuddle Pie Monroe passed away on the 29th. Shadow was with me when she passed and kept trying to convince me she was sleeping. She'd been sick and I knew better. He took care of her and buried her in the backyard for me, but it did make me a bit of a wreck for the evening. No one likes a sad Alice in Wonderland... who was drinking sake for most of the night and hearing everyone's confessions. Worst Halloween party EVER!!! At least I looked cute though.

As of Monday, I’m out of a job again. Due to complications in the government process and someone not being able to follow instructions (not me mind you!) I was told to vacate the premises immediately on Monday. Shadow has been trying hard to keep me occupied and help me recover from the mass amount of stress I have been under the past few weeks. Last weekend ended with me having another tummy episode and I was extremely sick and sleep deprived. After the lose of my job, Shadow ordered me to sleep and rest the next few days. Wednesday and Thursday I spent at his house sleeping and playing games. Being at home though…

It’s hard on me here. At work, I was with a group of people that where very much like myself. All different ages and at different points in there life’s. That’s something I’ve never had. It helped me a lot mentally, to realize who I am and to be more comfortable with it. At home, I don’t have that luxury mostly because my parents don’t understand and aren’t supportive of the way I am. There are a lot of backhanded comments and I can only hear ‘just grow up and be like everyone else’ so many times before I snap mentally. With all the stress recently, it’s made it harder on me to slip into my little kid mode. That makes things harder because I use that to get out many of the things I can’t express otherwise.

With my job being gone, it does leave time for me to work on Gypsy again. I did miss it… working with clay and paints. Watching the dolls come to life over a few days… it is a calming process, something that unfortunately got put on hold while I was working. I know I’m an artist, which will always come first above everything else. It’s just so hard to get a balance back.

Last week, while I was at work I was laptop shopping and was talking with Shadow about needing one. Out of the blue he said he’d help cause he knows that even when I was working, I haven’t been in a position to put away for one. When I asked why, he said it was because he believes in Gypsy. Those words from him meant so much. From there I knew I needed to work on getting myself out there again and on the dolls. So I’m committing to work on Gypsy again, not just for the laptop, but for myself and to prove I’m not just a washed up artist.