Thursday, September 19, 2013

Part 2, Life at Home

This one will have more fun pictures but I'm going to put a disclaimer here because I will be showing one of my incisions. I'll warn before they show up.

My bestest Irish twinkie boo had great timing! This was waiting on the door step. There's like 5 packages here!

When I got home, I had a pile of packages on the porch waiting for me. Mom had grabbed lunch for me, so while I ate the best freaking happy meal of my life (let it be known, I really hate McDonalds. I was craving a cheeseburger though.) Seriously, I don't know what it was, but that cheeseburger was amazing. I opened the mountain of love that had come from my twinkie, which required me to use scissors. I was able to use scissors guys! I haven't been able to use scissors in months! In my excitement, I took the glitter brick case off my phone. I could hold my phone with no pain and no case to make it fat. I could text even! Needless to say I cried. I took a shower and that was really hard with a garbage bag taped to your shoulder and not able to fully use your arm. It felt good though.

I settled in and read about my newest fashion accessory, the pain pump.

Upside down photo and I'm to lazy to fix it. Deal :p
No one told me that if I used the button on this, it would release more meds to the nerves. They also didn't tell me that that button is a bracelet. They ALSO didn't tell me that this thing was super mounted to me so that there was no way I could rip it out like I was terrified of doing. It was put in during surgery and my dad took it out on Sunday when the medication ran out.  The clear circle part was filled with a doughnut of medication that was slowly released. The bracelet part stored medication as well to give you a boost when you needed it. It was super helpful, but I was terrified to have it taken out. It turned out to just be a wire, about 7" of wire, that was inside me releasing meds. Didn't even feel it taken out. I was so happy to take a shower after without having to mount the damn thing in the shower with me!

I was given percacet when I checked out of the hospital. A LOT of it... I've never been given more then a few. I had strict instructions to take them on schedule. I've had too to. The first couple days I was taking 2 every 4 hours. I couldn't have managed otherwise. I was still struggling with being short of breath and I was finding that when I ate anything that was soft, my throat would swell. Sunday, I got cocky. I wasn't taking them on schedule. Monday was about the same and I started only taking 1 every 6 hours, maybe. I payed for that Tuesday.

Tuesday the pain was horrible. I hadn't been sleeping again because percacet I've found makes me hyper. Tuesday I woke up at 4am, or more over I gave up trying to sleep at 4am. I took a pill at 6 am even though I was long overdue for a pill. My throat started to swell after a few bites of applesauce so the bowl took 2 hours to eat. Shadow came over to babysit me that day. By the time he came over, I was really trying to hide the fact I wasn't comfortable at all. He tried to massage out my shoulder blade and neck. He was scared he was going to hurt me but he was working far away from any of the entry sites. It was such a bad day and I still was thinking it was a mind over matter thing until around 10pm when i broke down and took 2 pills. Life improved and because I'd relaxed with Shadow, I actually slept that night for 9 hours.

So Wednesday I stayed on top of the meds. Took 2 every 6 hours and life was good. Still tired to do dishes, but aside from that, things where as good as they can be. Now... here is the part where if you have a weak stomach, just scroll passed.

Yesterday the waterproof bandaids my dad had put on on Sunday after taking out the pump had been compromised. I peeled them off and decided to get a picture since I didn't when I'd had the pump taken out. I can't look at the close ups myself and that's my shoulder, so I won't be posting them. I'm glued together pretty much, no stitches. I'm actually really happy to not be stitched together. Stitches suck when they are in areas that you actually bend and use. the one along my neck is about 7" long. the second one is just short of 5". I can't turn my neck fully and it does cramp up from time to time. I don't notice as much as long as I keep up with the meds. I'm still swollen though from about my shoulder blade to my armpit.

About the meds... not only was I yelled at by The Doll for trying to go off them, but also the doctor office when I called to get a refill and told them what I'd tried to do. Apparently with the amount of damage done and how long this has been going on, I shouldn't be pushing to get off the drugs because it's not happening for a few weeks while my body adjusts. While I'm still a little numb from the pain pump, as it wears off, the nerves make themselves very much known. 

It's still not sunk in that I've had major surgery. I still have 2 weeks off and I'm going crazy. The doctor had really wanted me to take 4 weeks and I'm starting to think maybe I might have too. I have my follow up appointment on Tuesday and will find out when I can start physical therapy. I'm really scared of this recovery. I'm scared of the day that it will hit that this was major surgery and just what I'm facing to get back that 90% of function and strength. I'm really scared and it's not something I feel I can opening admit to family.

I've been blessed however. I've realized just how many friends I do truly have. While Bunny Boo had sent me a mountain of goodies, my work family have given loads of support and love as well.

This appeared on my doorstep on Saturday and made me bawl. They are lovely and still holding strong. THEY ARE SO PINK!!!! I really love them. My dear B has checked in with me almost daily as well as a few other of my work friends and of course The Doll. I've never felt so much love before from so many people. So many people have told me just how much I've helped them in the past and what it meant and have offered help and support. I've just been speechless and needless to say weepy from it all. Thank you to those who've been there pre and post op. Your all wonderful.

Luna B as been super supportive too, even if she doesn't understand why she can't sleep in her spot on my chest at night.
I'm not going to die but I've still got a road to recovery. :) I've seen just what I'll be gaining back once everything is settled. I can't wait to be covered in thread and paint again. I know it's coming soon. I know I'll be able to do illustration work again. Things will get better... they just suck right now. :P

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